He has made a new life for himself, but he must be haunted by his decision to turn his back on his family. A decision made in his youth should be reconsidered now, before it's too late. Unless his family were truly horrible people, they deserve a chance to reconcile. They all lost a lot when he vanished without a word. It was a very unkind way to start over.

He has been given a second chance. Hopefully he will reach out to his parents and relatives before fate takes that second chance from him.

Sometimes it's better to leave them behind if you are unhappy being around them. I did that myself. however, they knew i didn't want a thing to do with my family members. I have my life to live, not theirs, and their is a complete mess and I want no part of it.

It takes a bigger man or woman to walk away when there is no hope or civility within the family. Leaving it all behind for me is the same as becoming independent and not toting around all this extra baggage one does not need in their life.

Just because one is born into a family, it doesn't mean you own them your life.

They gave you life, but they do not own it.

I agree with Arieus. Just because you are born into a family does not mean you have to stay with them. The only thing I fault him for is that he did not tell them he was leaving, so they would know he was alive. But as the story said, he was not aware that the family thought he was a victim of Gacy's.

Many people have close-knit, loving families. But many do not. We do not know what this man went through, but it must have been very compelling to HIM in order to walk away from his family.

I pray that in time, he will at least establish some sort of a relationship with them, even if it's distant. Some contact is better than none.

ARIEUS..... "Just because one is born into a family, it doesn't mean you own them your life"......

"They gave you life, but they do not own it"..... Good point I agree with you 100%

a baby is brought into the world not of its own volition. They are not obliged to love, honor, respect, and owe no debt of gratitude. It is up to the parents to earn that love, honor, respect, and hope that their child will be thankful to them at some point. To start over one needs to cut all ties with the past if that is the anchor that they are carrying. He made his choice and has lived the consequences (or rewards) - you chose and know that the consequences are of your making and hope that somewhere down the line an endless stream of opinions that are contrary won't flood in from people who's interest in you is not your well being but based on their self proclaimed wisdom. (like the tripe that I just wrote)

The best thing I did was walk away from the people that shared the same last name and address as myself when I was growing up.

When I read and see the news, there are families that you need to be away from; there are also children that "turn bad" and make their families' lives miserable. Whatever the case may be, let's hope there is a chance for reconciliation and some good years ahead for all involved

.

you chose and know that the consequences are of your making and hope that somewhere down the line an endless stream of opinions that are contrary won't flood in from people who's interest in you is not your well being but based on their self proclaimed wisdom. (like the tripe that I just wrote)

probably the wisest comment on this thread.

:)

Slow news day--

All the "boys" who disappeared into a new life from Chicago ( now men) are assumed they were the victims of Gacy?

So Szal has received a lot of publicity. Now he is a "Star"---

Wonder if the relatives are next--Anything to make a "buck".

He did not ask to be found. He gave his address in case they wanted to write him. Doesn't seem to really want to be reaquainted with his past. You know of no details but the Reader's Digest story of his life.

He was 24, not 14. He was going out on his own and leaving behind a world that he wasn't happy with. Had Gacy not been in the middle of his crime spree at the time, the family likely would have known he had moved on. The Gacy thing is a tough coincidence.

What if his parents had a bad divorce and the parent he stayed with blamed him for all that happened? A daughter who was raped by the oldest son? Children who are beaten repeatedly by their parents?

You sound like the narcississtic, manipulative type. I suggest you get help.

Obviously there was a reason why he left and didn't look back. You don't know the situation other than what was in this fluffy article.

One thing that's of note, he was happy to hear his parents were alive and well, but still hadn't contacted them. That says something. I'm not sure what it says, but it says SOMETHING.

You don't have my wacked out reletives, so you have no room to judge.

I see a lot of bitter vitriol being spewed out here towards this man. Without knowing the FULL story, who are we to judge? In my experience there are more dysfunctional than functional families in America. This man, at 24 years of age, had had enough, said "F**K IT!, and left to find his own way in the world.

I think it was a much better solution than sticking around and maybe being pushed to the brink of sanity until you snap and do something violent or have violence done to you. Maybe if more people would do what this man did, i.e. just walk away and leave all the bitterness and hatred behind, we'd have fewer stories about families being slaughtered by loved ones.

Just sayin'.

Dont judge this man until you know the full story. I havent spoken with the majority of my family in almost 30 years.

There were a couple of reasons that he left and didn't look back. A divorce and a family feud. if he is dissatisfied with his family, he may have felt that they caused the issue and that it was up to them to reach out to him to make amends.

When I left home, it was with the intention of not seeing my family again. Not for any specific reason like walking away from a divorce situation, however I was unhappy with many things about them. Just a few years later, a counselor pointed out to me that I may have given up too easily. So at that time, I renewed relationships and tried to work on them.

Well in my case, some things did not change. On the other hand, I regained a couple of close friendships among my cousins!

Then you must have had a wonderful childhood!! I did not and I have siblings that feel you must hide the family secret. If you don't say and do as they do you are out.Well happy to say I am out

Easy, just walk away. Nothing says we are obligated to maintain toxic relationships in our lives, family or otherwise. They made life Hell for him, and he did what he had to do to protect himself. If his parents and siblings "cared" so much, they would not have made his life that miserable in the first place. F*ck'em.

James, unless you know more about the particulars of this case, you are making some really big leaps placing all the blame on his family. Maybe he was narcissistic. Maybe he was emotionally unbalanced. Maybe they were only trying to help him and he didn't want to face his demons. There are plenty of explanations that could account for this behavior. He was clearly in a dark place that he just didn't want to deal with, so he didn't. He even said it himself, he was stubborn. Families get into fights all the time. One big blow-up -- that could have been healed with a little effort (or even a lot) -- may have become much worse than it had to have been because he was too stubborn to try. Unless you know this entire family and have heard all sides, you do not know the circumstances. As it is, it sounds like maybe you are projecting your own issues with your family onto these people. Yes, there are cases where relationships are so toxic that it is not advisable to try to heal them, but there is certainly not enough evidence here to conclude that is the case.

It is unspeakably cruel and self-centered to disappear without a word and never contact one's family again -- even a kiss-off post card with no return address explaining that he was moving on and don't bother looking for him would have been better than what he did. Maybe the feelings of guilt have been part of what has kept him away for so long.

As you said yourself, "there is certainly not enough evidence here to conclude that is the case." You are also projecting your own opinion by saying that it cruel and self-centered to disappear without a word.

None of us know the reason why he just left. It is easy to judge someone or tell them what to do until it is you.

The obverse is that someone does get murdered, and the family/friends assume that they walked out. I remember a couple of years ago, I was speaking to a young lady about her unhappiness that she still had about her father stepping out on her mother some years earlier. I told her that she could be making an assumption, that instead, something could have seriously happened. Even murder. I told her that since morgue records are digitized now, it may be still worth it to check, and with police records too.

This may seem too pessimistic - yet a light of relief crossed her face. No, I never saw her again. The point is, every possibility should be considered.

UdunnoBro, the story does not say whose divorce caused turmoil and a bitter family feud, his or his parents or even someone else's. It makes no reference to his ex-wife. It says his parents are alive but does not say that they are married. It's ambiguous. However, it is clear that he married (or re-married) later on.

Even if the divorce referenced was his own (and it may well have been), there is no reason to believe he wouldn't have met someone new and remarried in 30+ years. On a side note, it could go either way -- it said a bitter divorce, not his parents' bitter divorce, so the family feud could have been unrelated, or maybe his family did not handle his divorce as he would have wished, causing a feud. It is just too ambiguous to say for sure. Whatever the case, it is clear the wife came after the running away.

Is there an echo in here?

his parents divorce........

after that long do ya think remarriage might be possible? after all, he was divorced!

He stated "There is a big difference between running away, and being murdered."

This could explain the hammer and nails.

Geeez, Pesimist, 'Bottom-Dweller'?

Why hate the guy so much - jealous because he did something you wanted to do?

He was 24! Not many obligations at that age. Obviously, family was the reason for the departure. Can't see that he did anything that I wouldn't/didn't do. Granted, it's a small story and not much info to go around, but it isn't about why he took off, it's about the connection to Gacy.

Speaking of Gacy, I say we dig him up and hang him again.

At least he's alive. Better to be a ' bottom-dweller ' than one of Gacy's ' cellar-dwellers.'

It's worth publishing in a sense because he can now be removed from the roll of possible victims of one of the worst serial killers in history.

On the other hand he's weird for cutting his entire family out of his life forever and then expressing concern over their feelings.

As a young man I had also given some thought to leaving my family after they forced me to undergo a traumatic surgery. I was unable to walk for nearly a year after, and I was in tears most of the time. Cirucumcision is traumatic.

i think some people picture life posey perfect for every person, a complete harmony?

@Pecimist...

1. the missing man in question did not seek out the police to say he was alive, they (the police) contacted him.

2. this is a story meant to give those who need it, a little hope, so that maybe others who are not missing victims, might be found, come forward, as well any other people who might have information to the case.

3. perhaps more sleep will leave you less cranky.....

Bah humbug indeed... I suppose your post is legitimized by your name, but still... I know I've wanted to run away from my family many times before. So what if he did it? Whatever happened to him is his business not yours; he may have been abused, you don't know the story. So who are you to say he's a bottom dweller?

Pesimist

Yeah, your user name says it all. Who are you to judge another's decisions in life without having lived their life? But, then again I suppose you are perfect and have never made a single mistake ever, huh? You wouldn't happen to be white and live surrounded by trash would you, if you get my drift?

FYI running away is a far better choice than suicide. An option taken by many who see no hope for the situation they are in.

I am SO tired of the "why is this a story" comments.

Different people like reading DIFFERENT things.

Get over it.

Thank you "impatient girl", well said.

Sirlafalot- Thanks for making me spit on my monitor.

i have done this as well 2 times. you dont leave notes... you dont call to say see ya's, you dont contact them, you leave. the only reason this guy and his family never knew what was going on, back in that day, there were no cell phones like we have today. There were no computers, and communications were about 1/4 of what they are now. being he was not by the sounds at the time able to watch the 5-6pm news to learn they thought he was a victim. the news, and police did not make a very "applicabale by all" list of victims, put out as a flyer with names of all the victimes he believed to have killed, next to impossible in that day as well.

i have had some falling outs as well with my damily, and openly admit it. when you decide to drop the un needed drama or what have you from your life, you go. ya, i will attest it sux. thing is usually during these types of arguments, there is no need for a note, the other party usually has the same mutual feeling, or circumstances, telling someone you are outta here can most times make it worse, even if parting is for the best.

I understand what you're saying Megalodon but cell phones don't have anything to do with it. There is always paper & pen/pencil somewhere. Yes, I feel he could've left something to let them know he was fed up and gone to start over somewhere. This way the family would at least know Gacy didn't get his hands on him. He is in the wrong as far as being stubborn (as he calls it) over the years and at his wifes beaconing, he could've called his family. That's his fault and no one elses.

"It hurt when I heard that."

Please, this man didn't even have the courage to call his family after he ran away from them. They went through a mourning period and everything when they thought he may be one of the victims. This guy is such an ass to his family, maybe it would have been better to think he was truly gone from this world instead of realizing he just didn't have any care, concern or affection for the ones he abandoned.

"coward" huh? I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that with the calling of names, such as coward, that you are somehow "in the know" of ALL the details of this story, i.e. BOTH sides of the story. No? I didn't think so. It must be nice to be able pass judgement on complete strangers based on four paragraphs in a story you read on the net.

You're the one seeing "touching" in the story. I saw no such thing. Merely the facts and accounts of a man in the news. Do you see things under your bed at night also?

Rich-2511061

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to face one's fears. This was not an act of cowardice, but an act of self-preservation of one's sanity and therefore one's life. I doubt if this man feared his family members so his running away cannot be considered cowardly. There are many people who will read this story and wish they had the guts to do as this man did and escape the insanity caused by their own feuding families.

Coward? Tell you what, you sever all ties with family, friends, everything, and start fresh. The article said that he had divorced his wife, and his relatives were hounding him, etc. Sounds to me like he did what was best for him and got away from from some very negative people. Sometimes you just have to walk out of the room.

Rich,

Perhaps your family is perfect, not everyones is. Some folks get fed up with the drama and BS and just wish to be left alone. Perhaps this is the result of such a situation. Hey it could have been worse and he could have become a mass murderer as well. It would appear he took the course that made sense to him.

Maybe you're the type of family he left behind? Stubborn and selfish as you claim he is?

Bet his parents will.

As a daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, mother, mother-in-law, great-aunt, and grandmother I know the fine art of forgiveness of family members (which can be mighty hard given the circumstances sometimes) and know I would welcome him back with open arms.

I'm going to be a bit nitpicky here, but rats form close colony bonds. I see what you're trying to say, but rats can actually be pretty family oriented.

Yes, writing this I had a nagging feeling I was being unfair to rats.

Sort of supports the narcissist theory... Or maybe he just didn't pick his words well and that's not exactly what he meant to say. I'll hope it is the latter.

And "douchebags" are an effective freshening device that would never hurt anyone. Why pick on them?

Douchebags are used to douche which is largely advertised for healthy vaginas based on misconceived and misogynistic notions of vaginas being unclean. In most cases it is unnecessary and harmful. Therefor douche and douche accessories is a fine insult.

(That being said I don't judge him - families are funny things and you never know what another persons family is like)

Emily - TMI

Sorry Emily. I feel like such a "Ratdouchebag".

wow...just browsing around and learned something completely by accident...must say, annie, i agree...emily...tmi! thanks for the history/science lesson!

Joe, I don't feel fresh.

I can understand the douche-bag reference. Never thought it was a good idea and my ob-gyn confirmed it for me. So, what I get from calling someone a douche-bag is insinuating they are as useless as a douche-bag. After having said all that I do not feel this one act in this man's life qualifies him as useless.

The only members of our families we get to choose are our spouses(s). All of the others are by the luck of the draw.

Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in their moccasins.

Realist, good points all. But in choosing a spouse, you never get the one you aspired to have. You each settle for the best you could do.

Realist - I agree - I've learned to accept my family as an adult but my husband is the family I chose and the healthiest relationship I have. I'm grateful to have made a family that makes life easier and that loves me.

Also, I'm not surprised your ob-gyn said that since it's the consensus at least for American doctors

http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/douching.cfm

(sorry for TMI, it's just a surprising number of women are risking their health and wasting their money - plus it's my favorite insult and I wanted to defend it as such)

There is a difference between walking away from a toxic relationship and running away on people without a word for 35 years. There comes a time when you have to man up and face the problems you encounter.

who cares? there are people who grew up in good families but set off into the world and never got back in touch...and their children spread across the continents and all these different branches of family worldwide never sees each other again...this has happened PLENTY of times throughout mankind's history...some family just don't see each other anymore, no matter the circumstances. good or bad, that's just a fact of life. it has no bearing on anyone's life, the only thing that matters is you move on and try to survive, and watch over your own kids. who cares if you don't see your family? it's not the end of the world! 7 yrs here and life is just fine...outta sight, outta mind.

and why imply there's anything to man up about as if nobody can get by without their family? i manned up plenty of times and got through plenty of @!$%# for my kids sake. got nothing to do with my family.

But did you tell them you were going? Did you tell them you weren't coming back and didn't want to be found? Did you say goodbye? Or did you walk out one day without a word, abandon your car in a public place and never look back? There are ways to extricate one's self from a toxic situation that does not involve this level of cruelty.

And I assume you meant "raise" them with values, correct? ;-)

I can understand getting away, but.............Don't you even call?

"There's no regret. If I had to do the same again. I would my friend, Orlando."

Yes, I would do it all over again. Six years have tought me I was right, I still hear from third parties that are not allow to reveal my phone or email address, the latest drama and I HAVE NO REGRETS, REGRETS ARE A WASTE OF TIME, but if you do have a family that, even though not perfect, is supportive and more importantly sane, be thankful. God Bless you Always....! Happy Holidays....!

PD: my last comment I meant raise, no race....haha! not enough coffee this morning...

AMEN saddened!!!! I could not have said that any better!

He didn't decide to make contact. The police knocked on his door and forced him to make contact. You have no idea what his family did to him to cause him to leave, so how can you pass judgment on him without knowing the whole story?

So many of you here are the problem, but you blame it on the Family. Crazy people always think everybody else is crazy, not them. Get some help, and don't always blame the family members. Maybe the problem is you!

How is it that you know who's crazy? Maybe the crazy ones are the ones that never try to make it better, aka the family.

Poor... Most of the time when someone walks away like that is IS because of toxic family relations. I walked away once, 30 years ago, reconnected two years later, and discovered that nothing had changed. While my family knows how to get hold of me, I have very little contact with most of them, and am quite content with my life the way it is. I am much happier and mentally healthier without constant contact. I even talked to a member of the clergy who knew quite a deal about the situation and this person agreed that, under the circumstances, it was best for me to maintain minimal contact. (This person told me my decision was "wise") Before I walked away I suffered from chronic depression which I began to recover from once I left. I had a couple of setbacks, but for almost 20 years now I have been depression-free, and while my life may not be a success in the eyes of my family, it is far better than I had ever thought I would have. Sometimes you just have no choice.

Didn't you read the article, the police officer or sheriff contacted him and the news media got ahold of the story, not the other way around. He did not need attention since he is getting old. And who are you to judge when he is ready to contact his family again? What if they are disfunctional?

Spell check folks...dysfunctional.

If you leave a family for say 10 or 35 years and have nothing to do with them. Not even a phone call. You don't deserve to be a part of it anymore. If all you care about is your own selfish feelings and not others, you are a pathetic person. I wouldn't even have you as a friend.

Good point. Don't judge others at least until you walk in their shoes for awhile, and even then you shouldn't judge others...

The question is: Do I really want to be part of the family? I left my family. No regrets!!! they [my family] top the 10 most disfuctinal family in the country...I won't say the things they did to me here because it doesn't matter anymore. No, if you do have a great family indeed you should be thankful. My family now are my kids and my wife and I will keep them away from my family for their safety.....God Bless and Happy Holidays....

Mack....Who in the Puck are you? Don't tell me what I can or can't do!....I can judge you since I see you judged me here. You are probably one of the losers here, who left your family and didn't call for 35 years. 35 years of no contact. Why now? Most of you are spoiled brats who never grew up. Your shoes probably smell of sh1t. Your mouth sure does! Live in your own pathetic self pitty. I wouldn't want you in the family either. And quit telling other what to do.

P00r Tax payer - - stop spewing vitriol and go see a therapist since you surely have anger management problems.

Amen to that!!! Marry Christmas...

Peace to all.......

jb...........GET REAL!............Not even one simple phone call in 35 years. Why call now? He wouldn't be in my family anymore. Wishing him the same pain he brought on to the family he dumped 35 years ago. What a loser!

jb, SO anyone that does not share your limited view of the world is someone that makes a habit of demeaning others to feel better about themselves--in your own words, more or less. It is so great that all of us lesser humans have someone like you to tell us what our collective response should be to a situation like this.

jb is right and trust me Poor Tax Payer he has had deep pain or he never would have left the way he did.

How do you know that his family was decent or even loved him?? Maybe that's why he left. This man had no wife or kids when he left, so it's not like he just walked away from his responsibilties. I wish I had had the courage to just walk out on my family when I was younger instead of taking on all of the baggage they created and then moved away from me when I got married and my existence was no longer benefiting them. Trust me, I would have turned out more emotionally healthy had I just left.

He owes his family nothing. If they truly cared for and loved him unconditionally they never would have made his life so miserable that he considered this as his only way to survive.

Walk away from all that care for you

I take it you missed the part about "bitter family feud"?

some people care more about being right than being loved (or loving). you don't really know who was at fault more than the other, or more likely they were all equally at fault

Perfect????? He let everyone in his family live for years not knowing if he was dead or alive. The torment his mother and father must have went through must have been unbelievable. He is one sorry piece of work and does not deserve one drop of sympathy.

I adopted, and let me tell you, my son's biological parents didn't go through much torment when they picked drugs and freedom over him. Not all parents and I use that term loosely are tormented if their child(ren) are out of their lives. Get the full story before you judge.

yes james, "perfect", just as you seem to think you are perfect.

the simple FACT is that NOBODY here knows what all the details of the whole story are and what went on between all the family members before the guy left.

the good part is that he has a chance to reconcile before it is too late

Obviously HShaver, if your dad is carrying around your picture in his breast pocket for the last 35 years, he is tormented. Regardless how dysfunctional the family, there is no excuse for that kind of cruelty. It is one thing to move onto a life without your family in it; it is quite another to abandon your car, completely disappear, and let everyone believe you are dead (as if any other conclusion would be reached in an instance like that).