You are speaking about a minority. I have two children from Russia, they are my children and I love them body and soul, warts and all. It's not even a conscious thing, it just is.

There is a huge community of Russian adoptee families and adoptee families in general in my area. There are NO stories or anecdotes floating around about adoptive, fetal alcohol/psycho kids-from-hell who had to be given up.

We have the same problems as other parents, and love our children just as deeply as so-called "bio" parents do. Raising kids is a challenge, some kids more than others, that's just life.

Even if this kid was "unmanageable", this was absolutely the most heinous and cowardly way to deal with it. She's obviously a nut.

this reminds me of the movie AI whre the little robot boy wanted a mother and finally got one. then the mother was able to have her own natural child who was a monster and she ended up dumping the robot kid in the woods. If she didn't want to get serious about this child she should have left him in russia to start with.

They should have met with him first and got to know him in a controlled environment , asked him if he wanted to come to the U.S. and live with them ect. .. this is so ridiculous .. sounds like people just out to make money. The whole process looks fishy to me. you cant force someone against their will and if he didnt want to live with them so be it. People need to use their brains.

You know what's really bad is that parents are reluctant to spank their kids. It's called discipline, that little Russian boy needed discipline and medication to curb his behavior. Me? Any little hell-spawn threatens me or my family with violence? A trip to the old woodshed and a sound spanking with a belt to a bare behind will settle them down, real quick!

The mother was wrong to send that little boy back to Russia; he needed a family to mentor him and teach him. I would not be surprised if the little @!$%# came back to the U.S. as a suicide bomber.

.............made me laugh out loud.

The little @#$%&% may have already been a suicide arsonist and in her house. But his adoptive Mama is probably in just as bad shape as the kid. I wouldn't sleep in a house with a kid who has promised to burn down the house, I am just not that much a hero, I suppose. There could have been a better way to get out of her mess, but the main point was to get it done immediately.

Hey, adopted children go missing in this country everyday. The CPS are so under funded even they can't keep track of the adopted American kids that go missing, who's to say they would have noticed the little Russian hell-spawn gone?

I wasn't kidding though; a sound spanking on the bare behind and a little creative thinking would have taught the little Russian @!$%#head a lesson. What kind of an adult takes any crap off of a seven-year-old child? The adoptive mother obviously didn't have the stones to be an effective parent.

There are medications and corrective discipline that can be applied to unruly children without any violation of state laws. Just don't leave any marks on the child where they can be seen. We have children who take guns to school and murder their peers and teachers in cold blood. We need to bring physical discipline back into the home, PDQ!

I adopted 2 children. This was not child neglect, or abuse.

The Russian agency had to know something about the psychological condition of this child. They tried to trick this woman into taking him off her hands. Children like that cost a government a fortune to raise. The only reason they are acting indignant is because the cat is out of the bag that they tried to trick her.

In the US, parents are screened and notified of any known problems re: the child beforehand. They aren't tricked into taking psychopathic arsonists and then told, "Deal's a deal - your problem now".

It sucks, it all sucks, but this woman did the right thing. She has to be going through a nightmare, but she did the right thing. Also, since this happened, the Russian gov. is going to have to make sure this kid is actually given help and treated, because people will be watching them now.

I am an adoptive Mom and I think I can't have children because I am to care for the children that were created by those who can. YOur argument is odd in that you state those who can't have children can't for a reason... If that were the case then how do we explain your situation as a child and the other thousands waiting for a family. Those who did have children failed them or the children would not be a ward of the state.

I'm sorry you see this all as an adoptive parent issue, people are people and not all SHOULD be a parent. I had to do all but give my kidney to adopt to prove I should be PERMITTED to parent a child. WHAT does a biological parent have to do to parent a child? Sleep with a man or woman they don't know and get pregnant, decide that it's too late to "get rid of them," so they keep them, ignore them, pass them around to family members becuase they aren't ready to be a parent. They eventually lose the child to the state, but what damage was caused by the person who COULD GIVE BIRTH?

I volunteer at the school and I can tell you there are more screweed up biological kids than there are adopted kids. MISTAKES are usually what the pregnant person said, "I wasn't ready to be a parent." OOPS, that's what happens when you are irresponsible. OOOPS, that was the biological parent who failed the CHILD.

OOOPS, now someone who wants to try to parent a child who has been in foster care because they were beaten, molested, starved, sold for drugs by the BILOGICAL parent.

NO, I'm sure not all adoptive parents are great parents, and I would concede that many could or do blame the bilogical or "Foster" parents. SHAME ON THEM, the moment you tell that child they are your's then there is nothing that should make you fail them. Education is needed by all parties, continual care should be offered and better yet accepted by the adoptive families.

Raising a child that you did not carry, nor raise the first few most impressionable years is hard, NO ONE should go into it lightly. I find those who are adopting older outside the US shameful. We are so quick to HELP or SAVE those outside our own country before we care for those who have most likely had similar backgrounds. We owe it to our chidren in our country first, there is no shortage.

God Bless all great parents, and pray for those who are still finding their way. The ones we fail are the children, and the failure begins with an irresponisble person having a child that they have no business raising. THey make the choice to 'Keeping the child' instead of being one of the many who are selfless and find a GOOD family for their child. TO want more for them than they do for themselves.

I'm sorry you were failed by so many, we as a country should be ashamed that there are ANY kids that are "WARDS of the STATE"

Best of luck to you. God Bless

We don't know that she was rick or that the child was the kid from hell for that matter. The adoptive mother should have sought help. It seems that the state of Tennessee was unaware of the situation. I'm sure your kids are well behaved. I'm sure they know if they misbehave, you'd send them back.

Brenda -- I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. Every adopted person I've ever known suffered deeply over the fact they were abandonded -- no one should ever have that feeling. Always wondering.

As for biological parents, we blame undesirable characteristics on the other parent's genes. :) What bio child hasn't heard from an angry mother, "Oh! You'r just like your father!" What less-than-perfect parent hasn't said it? So -- it's never perfect, is it? Child-rearing is challenging -- you can't just flake out when the going gets tough. You have to love more, and more, and more.

Don't get me wrong--I think that all sorts of kids will test parental boundaries... It's the job of a parent to parent the child. And yet, you have to wonder what exactly this child went through that wasn't disclosed to this unmarried nurse prior to the adoption, that these are the behaviors the mother and the extended family observed:

Hansen chronicled a list of problems: hitting, screaming and spitting at his mother and threatening to kill family members. Hansen said his eruptions were often sparked when he was denied something he wanted, like toys or video games.

Let me tell ya, if my kid ever threatens to kill me or the family over being denied a toy or a video game, he's going to experience a lot of spankings. Just like I did. That kind of overreaction is just not normal behavior.

"He drew a picture of our house burning down and he'll tell anybody that he's going to burn our house down with us in it," she said. "It got to be where you feared for your safety. It was terrible."

Given the above, I really can't blame the mother here. When you fear for your safety, what do you do? Handcuff the kid to the bed and hope you can wrangle yourself out later from under a charge of child abuse just because you attempted to restrain your own child? That's insane.

At some point, the adoptive parent has to really figure out whether the threats are just empty threats, or whether the boy is serious. And if I had been faced with those, I would've absolutely thought the child was serious about it.

Why are you so sure the "mother" was even telling the truth? The family was visited in January by a social worker who was told everything was fine. That's what the social worker wrote in the report. Then, we're to believe that all of a sudden the child turned into a monster? Well, this does happen, but that's when a real parent would get him to a doctor. It often takes many months to get a proper diagnosis and then find the right combination of medicine. It's safe to say this was NOT done because there wasn't enough time.

All I can say is that as the wife of an adoptee who was given back to the state when he was "too hard to handle" I don't think that there are enough checks on the people adopting some of these kids. I don't care what you end up getting, because even when you have a biological child, it's a crap shoot. You love them and stick by them and help them ANYWAY. If you can't do that you don't need to have natural children OR adopt them. If he was too hard to handle, you get him therapy, medication, and psychiatric help. You don't just wash your hands and send him away on a plane. That is not responsible behavior and it's damn sure not what real parents do. Imagine how he feels now, being given up TWICE.

at OomYaaqub @ 1.12 who wrote: Why are you so sure the "mother" was even telling the truth? The family was visited in January by a social worker who was told everything was fine

As if social workers did their job all that competently--there's plenty of evidence that they drop the ball, don't notice the glaringly obvious, and plenty of kids die every single day because of their incompetence.

So, don't tell me that the social worker visited and "was told everything was fine." It's not a social worker's job to take someone else's word for accuracy. It's his/her job to drop in unannounced, to make visits at random, to observe, and to note any needs and recommend further action.

That's what a social worker's job is.

You're totally missing the point. This wasn't a CPS caseworker acting on a neighbor's complaint, but an adoption caseworker assessing how the adoption was working. If there were problems, the mother should have spoken up THEN. The caseworker would have seen that the boy and perhaps the whole family got help. Instead, the mother chose to lie so she could handle things in her own inimitable way.

Oom Yaaqub: You are the one missing the point and not reading. I quoted from your post at 1.12:

Again, for your reference:

The family was visited in January by a social worker who was told everything was fine.

If you cannot argue the point competently, don't. It is not the job of a social worker/case worker to take someone else's words for anything. They're supposed to observe, come to their own conclusions, and make recommendations--this social worker/case worker dropped the ball, quite simply.

LKessler,
While I completely agree with you that the case worker may not have done his or her job properly or well, I don't think Oom Yaaqub is addressing the issue from the stand point of other adults who may or may not have missed something. OY is making the point that the mother's claims that the boy was out of control are less believable in light of the fact that a professional came to the house and discussed the child and the adoption with her and was told that everything was "fine". If the boy was such a frightening, uncontrollable problem why did the mother not ask for help, either at that time, or by calling the case worker later? When someone adopts, especially internationally, there are a string of professionals involved, and the new parents are generally offered plenty of advice and resources to help deal with transitions, emotional issues, etc. This woman is a nurse, why didn't she call the social worker for help, approach a counselor or a psychiatrist, ask for help from the agency she went through for the adoption? The agency is apparently an American organization based in Washington. It wasn't like she had no resources or had exhausted all of her resources before resorting to sending the child back to Russia completely alone and with little more than a note from "mom".

LiberalMadmama: do you really think that a woman at her wits' end won't be noticed as frazzled and unnerved? I mean, you'd have to be dead as a caseworker to not notice.

I stand by my comment.

And I stand by my point that the caseworker was NOT there in the same role as a CPS caseworker. This caseworker was operating on the assumption that an adoptive parent would tell the truth because she was there to HELP the family, not to investigate an allegation of abuse or neglect. You CAN fake your "frazzleness" on a one time basis, I suppose, but why didn't the mother speak up if there were a problem? How believable is it that a serious problem surfaced AFTER that visit? Even if it did, I'm sure the caseworker offered a card and told the mother not to hesitate to call. What I think most likely is that genuine abuse probably happened in that home, and the nurse and her mother refused to get help out of fear of being found out. There's no other explanation for their refusal to get help. And yes, I read in other articles that the boy was NOT taken to a therapist of any kind. Kinda destroys the "innocent adoptive mom duped by the evil Russians" theory, doesn't it?

Regarding your last question... Russia is not begging for Americans to adopt Russian children. Russians can and do adopt! The fact is, Russia also has a small population, with many adults immigrating out, there is not as well-developed a system for supporting adoptive parents (as in the US for example) and inadequate access to contraceptive methods in many regions. Thus = orphans.

I also question your "learning over ht e [sic] years that Russian government agencies are not to be trusted." The boy was adopted through an American agency from a Russian orphanage. "Government agencies" had zero input.

Some would say the woman is a nut.. children are children. as parents you do what is right for the child. If the child has issues and problems you get help, you dont dump him like he is trash. Sounds like to me the adoptive mother has issues.. I hope she is not allowed to adopt ever again, and have DHS investigate her other children too.

My brother and his wife have two adopted children from China. Both are deaf, a boy and little girl. the boy adapted fine, while the little girl has much more ground to cover before she can adapt into her new life. Both children got cocular implants, both are exceptionally wonderful children. Children will adapt to their surroundings. If it is hostile they will act out their hostilities. I would give my right arm for the chance to adopt a child.. too bad the mother of this little guy is a fruitcake.. He will have lasting and most likely life long issues with this. * Thanks mom for being a bitch *

Yes, my heart goes out to him also. What a nightmare. And we can't really know everything that has happened to this boy. Its heartbreaking.

However, the only reason the Russian gov. is acting indignant is because they are busted. They had to know what condition the boy was in. They must have known this woman was not qualified to care for such a child. They tried to trick her to save the huge expense of necessary help and institutionalization, and she called them on it.

They're covering their butt by acting all innocent and injured and blustery and indignant. They probably realize that someone else would put such a ban in place after finding out what they tried to do, and they want to be the first ones to do it, as if THEY are the injured party.

Would any reasonable person expect a 7 year old living in an orphanage to not have some sort of behavior issues? Children already have little control over their environment, being shunted into an orphanage from an abusive home, and then into a home where even the language is completely foreign would give anyone anger issues, much less a little kid. She made no effort to get the child any counseling from everything I read. His temper tantrums, according to the grandmother, were often in response to being denied something like a game or a toy. Perhaps if this woman had sought some counseling for this little boy instead of trying to set him up with the accessories of the perfect little American consumer childhood and then using those accessories for behavior manipulation she would have had better success. Instead she ignored the fact that he was a person, kitted him out with the adopted boy game set, and sent him back when he wasn't perfect and mild as if she were returning one of the toys to the local Wal-mart.

Liberal Madmama...

I couldn't agree more! Children who were abandoned by their own mother due to alcoholism, then sent to an orphanage and then adopted out are going to have issues. Children also act out to 'test' their environment and boundaries.

It's called parenting, and this mom obviously was not parenting.

E

Exactly, E.

[[I would give my right arm for the chance to adopt a child..]]

I hear ya. And thanks to this alleged "mother", you've just lost one of the sources you might have been able to adopt from. OTOH, there are plenty of American children in need of homes.

Exactly - what this family did to this child is immoral.

...and the adoptive parents had no way of knowing that the guy they hired in Russia to pick the child up from the airport was going to do what he was paid to do. He could have killed the boy.

SUPER NANNY where are you? I think the adoptive parents were too premature in sending the boy back. Poor kid. :(

Couldn't agree more. The Tennessee mother should be arrested. No excuse. This was not the way to handle the problem.

Hey you guys. I notice that it isn't YOUR family who was threatened with death. The tenessee family took the proper actions and returned him safely. Never was he "abandoned" or "alone". You would be the same people who criticize the family should they have kept him and he killed several people. Then we would hear from you about punishing the little monster- why was he allowed to stay- didn't the family know he was dangerous etc... So please knock off the hypocritical BS

You get yourself upset over what might have happened in a worst case scenario. Well, it DIDN'T happen. Stop the complaining about the "crimes" that are only fancies of your own imaginations. Give that family credit for knowing what the hell they were doing. YOU weren't there and you didn't extend finger one to know about them or to help so stop it already.

Merlin your a bonehead.. you should be jailed too, for stupidity!

Many adoptions do no work out, and many times it is because the children from foster homes and orphanages, even in the U.S. -or maybe especially in the U.S. have mental disorders or sever enahvioral disorders. I have known parents who adopted children only to find the children could not adapt to the families, and the children -even very young children - were mentally disturbed. Yes, we'd all like to think that these innocent little children could never do any harm, but they sometimes do immeasurable harm to the families who adopt them.

This woman did the right thing. She was had by the agencies who tried to offload a dangerously mentally ill child on an unqualified, unsuspecting family. THEY need to be the ones being investigated. Why isn't anyone asking about that? Why aren't people up in arms about an agency giving special needs children to people who've never claimed to be able to deal with that?

Merlin - you are not a bonehead. This woman was not immoral - but she never claimed to be a psychiatrist. No doubt she thought that if they were sending her a mentally ill arsonist someone would have allowed her to tell them she wasn't prepared for that.

Adrienne - well aren't you just Mary Freakin' Poppins. Did your mentally ill violent children ever threaten to burn your family while they slept?

James,

You call me stupid!?. All you could do is call me a name! How frigging lame you are. When I said my piece I explained why and I gave coherent criticism. Go back to your tub and play with your rubber duckies. One of these days you'll be able to converse with adults. Until then, work hard for that gold star for finishing your potty training. And once you do get the hang of wiping, come find me and lets see if YOU can jail me tough guy.

Phygmint- Thanks for the back-up. I'm glad you mentioned investigating the agency on the Russian side. It is a good idea and I didn't carry my argument that far.

This situation made me think of back when the US ended up with Cuba's criminals and mental cases since we were so generously and naively taking in all boat people. I wonder how many other people recieved children with mental disabilities unknown when they signed the papers.

Yeah! You can find a Russian speaker yonder down in the holler down past Nixie Maes still a piece!

Merlin, it is possible to LEARN Russian, and if I were planning on adopting a Russian child I would learn at least a bit. It has a different alphabet and it's inflected, like Latin, but it really isn't all that hard a language. I'm sure they have community colleges in Tennessee. You can also purchase language CD's at any bookstore or on the Internet.

Merlin,

Tennessee is not a hick state. Shelbyville is full of good people. There are plenty of resources this woman could have used - she just didn't try. We adopted an little 8 year old Russian girl four years ago and brought her home to Tennessee. She is doing absolutely wonderful. I learned enough Russian to help in the initial days, but she learned English very quickly. My gut feeling is this woman has issues herself. 34, never married, still living under momma's nose throws, doesn't socialize with people - that throws up red flags to me. The little boy said that she pulled his hair and yelled at him. That sounds like a really immature woman. She should have never been approved.

My dealings with the Russian system is that they really want the kids to be in families. The orphanage director cried and kissed me after the court proceedings because she was so happy that our daughter was going to America. The real culprits in most cases are the adoption agencies. They are trying to make a profit, and will tell people most anything to make a "sale". We didn't know about some issues with our daughter's family until we were over there. All in all, I thought the Russian people we dealt with were honest and really wanting these kids to have a better life. I am proud that my daughter has Russian roots.

Watching the MSN video, it appears the neighbors found the mother very odd and unsociable.

How can we both have the same userid? My name is Brenda, and I didn't post te original message.

Look at the numbers, Brenda-251440. :-)

It is possible he could well have that rage, no matter what she did or how she treated him.

Sometimes, part of what makes humans ... well, human... is simply broken in a particular individual. In some cases, it's like that from birth. In others, it is a result of traumatic experiences.

We'll likely never know for sure which it was with this boy.

It is also possible she is lying through her teeth, and he never drew any picture at all. Has anyone seen this alleged picture? Even if he did, that's no excuse for shipping him back to Russia. I have a troubled child too (possibly autistic along with other things) and he often makes threats he has no intention or even ability to carry out. Oh wait, I can't. Bio parents are "stuck" with the children they have, even when they develop a neurological or mental illness (which can manifest itself at ANY time regardless of what kind of parent you are. Even some infectious agents, like the Streptococcus bacterium, can cause a mental illness in some cases--it's called PANDAS.) When you adopt, though, don't you promise the judge and the child that you are now their parent, just as if you had borne them?

Flying to visit grandma is a far cry from being sent away permanently from the woman you called "Mommy" with a note in your pocket explaining what a terrible kid you are.

I think it's fair to say that SOME adoptive parents are selfish, and adopt for questionable reasons.

absurd to play "what if". What if the child received the nurturing and pschological help he needed, and in ten years we read that he is a Rhoades Scholar? Or an Eagle Scout? What if the plane crashed? What if the person paid to meet the child turned out to be a child molester. You can't play that game. Certainly the courts can't.

No matter the reasons, The mother's abandonment of this child (and endangerment of this child) in this manner is criminal.

I agree with Jill P. Even giving the woman the benefit of the doubt that this child had problems, to just abandon him in this way is inexcusable. Can you imagine being 7 and being put on a plane with a note? Did she even try to explain to him what was going to happen, or was she too cowardly even for that? She certainly didn't face her "parental" (I use that term loosely, I don't feel she qualifies as a parent) duties with much courage.

I'm especially troubled that this woman is a nurse...what does she do with problem patients? Pull the plug? Give them a little something in their IV? In one news report I heard that the boy said his mother pulled his hair... now it might have been once out of terrible frustration....or maybe the child's behavior reflected how he was being treated?

There are ways and channels to deal with children who have problems. As a nurse this woman should be especially aware of that. She handled this very badly, and should never, never be allowed to adopt again.

And of course, a REGISTERED NURSE would have absolutely no idea how to go about getting the child professional help. (Sarcasm.)

Two of my best friends came from russian orphanages and both were in the top of their class when they graduated high school and did not have any emotional issues. They were adopted when they were around 6 and their parents had no troubles with them and said they were more well behaved than other children. So not all children from russia have emotional issues or emotionally stunted.

2-5% of children from orphanages anywhere in the world will have either an attachment disorder or a personality disorder. Its tragic and sad, but there it is. They may grow up to be really bad people. Over 75% of women inmates in prisons have a personality disorder, and it is basically untreatable. Its very sad, the child cannot help it, the family cannot help him. Its devastating. But it happens. Even bio children with this problem are usually given to social services, due to the dangers.

Willow, evidence, please? There are lots of people with personality disorders, some of them quite severe, but to say MOST bio parents or even adoptive parents give such kids away is utterly false. I know a young woman with borderline personality disorder who managed to get herself put in foster care by lying about abuse. She's in and out of mental hospitals. Her parents have NEVER given up on her even though she remains closer to the foster family. This is pretty much the norm in such cases.