The case against breast-feeding

I would like to thank the author for this article. Before the delivery of my son, I was all about breastfeeding. I had bought the line the author talks about--I'd be harming my child if I didn't breastfeed him exclusively for six months. I bought an expensive Medela pump with every intention of pumping when I went back to work. I took a breastfeeding class and made my husband attend so he'd be able to adequately provide support (or remind me to calm down at 3am when it "wasn't working"). Then came the issues associated with my delivery. My son was born 5 weeks premature due to my severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome. I wasn't able to see my son until 36 hours after his birth because I was not allowed to stand for fear I'd have a stroke due to my high blood pressure. When I was finally allowed to see my son, he was on a feeding tube because his suck/swallow reflux was not fully developed. I was finally brought a pump in the hospital about 48 hours after my son was born. The NICU staff gave my son a bottle before I was allowed to put him to breast, a breastfeeding no-no. From birth, he was immediately given a pacifier, also a breastfeeding no-no. Due to both of our conditions, I wasn't allowed to put him to breast until about a week after he was born. By then, he'd already developed a fondness for the bottle. He'd latch on, but never wait long enough for my milk (what was there) to come down.

When I finally brought the little guy home from the hospital 11 days after he was born, he had no interest in my boobs. The bottle was easier and he wanted it NOW. I pumped and put my milk into a bottle for him, but then realized I was basically feeding him twice. I got no sleep, and I mean NO SLEEP. Because I had no real "baby" stimulation, my milk never came in the way most breastfeeding mothers' milk does. We tried nipple shields, lactation consultants....I pumped every hour and a half. I never did get enough to exclusively breastfeed him, but I guess I could have continued with the little bit I was getting for longer.

I had to fight my husband, but after a month, I was done. I was a wreck, a new mother, and at some point, I figured my son needed a sane mother and my husband a sane wife more than my baby needed my breastmilk. I caught hell from everyone, and basically I stood tall and told them to get a life...these were my boobs and it was my baby and I was going to make the decision. When we went to formula exclusively, I felt as if a weight had been lifted and my baby and I have been happy ever since. My son is a happy and healthy one year old and shows no sign of "abuse" from my decision to end the breastfeeding.

I think if I could improve the author's argument just a little, I'd say that each decision to breastfeed needs to be viewed individually and must be flexible to allow for varied circumstances. My breastfeeding experience was not what I had intended or expected, but I rolled with it. I learned so much. If we have another child and God forbid I have the same complications, I now know what to insist upon with the NICU staff to facilitate a better breastfeeding experience. I have every intention of trying to breastfeed again, but I know that the greatest asset I can have as a mother is flexibility.

New mothers have SO MUCH on their plates. First time especially mothers are already feeling as inadequate as they've ever felt in their lives. Why do we berate them and brand them bad mothers if they fail to breastfeed? Thank you for bringing this problem to light.

The problem is that new mothers are so burdened in our society that breast-feeding becomes just one of the things they have to do. If a child is not breast-fed, the whole social setup is to blame.

In most Asian and European countries, new mothers are treated like queens. Everyone rallies to support them, taking over all her duties, so that she is left free to have the time and motivation to breastfeed her child. That is all she is supposed to do for the first 3-6 months atleast, till she gets her strength back.

Our individualistic society comes with a whole lot of personal freedom and joy, but a whole lot of drawbacks too.

My wife and I chose to use formula for both of our daughters.  It was much better for the single fact that it enabled my wife to return to her career, which she loves.  It also was MUCH easier for us as new parents to share the feeding times.  Our daughters have grown up happy and healthy.  They are both years ahead in school mainly because we read to them and did other activities with them since they were very small.  Formula works just as well.

On the other hand, my sister in law has breast fed both of her children and both have had multiple ear infections and have been sick a lot.  I really don't see the argument that breast feeding is better.  One thing I've always noticed, is that her kids always seemed extra fussy, even after they were fed.  I had to always ask my wife if maybe those kids weren't getting enough to eat.  Using formula allows you to see exactly how much your baby is eating.  With breast feeding, how can you tell? 

Thank you for writing this article and informing Americans that women aren't monsters because they don't breastfeed. I was unable to breastfeed because of medical reasons and felt guilty for not being able to-after being told that it is the best thing and the only way to feed my child. It was devastating to me that after 6 weeks I had to quit breastfeeding, but what was worse were the stares, rude remarks etc. I hope women and men realize that judging mothers who aren't breastfeeding is extremely hurtful and uncalled for.

Thanks again

Thank you to the author for a thoughtful and well-written article. Her balance of personal experience and scientific discussion was excellent. I appreciate having this point of view so well articulated.

It seems the dilemma is whether women want it all, all at the same time...or are willing to fully commit to the venture that is chosen (i.e. being a parent, being a CEO) in order to do the best job possible. If we expect others to raise our children, teach them ethics and discipline, and feed them whatever is easiest for us are we not being a bit selfish? The point of raising a child is to give them the best beginning at life, to protect and nourish, and to teach them to be independent and ethical being and good citizens. Parenting is an unselfish endeavor. I am not advocating all total envelopment of our identities, schedules, and needs into the other (offspring). I am advocating doing the best we can. If breastmilk is better in nutrients, in building an immune system, easier to digest, (all proven in a consensus of studies) and much, much cheaper, then not at least trying because it is a little inconvenient is self-centered and short-sighted. I have seen this general attitude as a preschool teacher. Many parents found it inconvenient to take their sick children to the doctor or pick them up from school so as not to expose the other students. Instead of picking them up after work they went shopping or golfing and left the kids at the center for over 11 hours everyday....Which led me to wonder, why have kids everyone else did the raising and caretaking?? In these situations it seemed a fulfillment that was either socially expected or personally appealing (I'm in the 'club'). No wonder the kids listened to me and followed my rules consistently, but when their parents walked in they threw fits and showed no respect for their parents. This behavior is a cry for help. Teachers and caretakers have become a substitute for an institution that cannot be fully replaced no matter how good those subs are. Children need good and fully invested parents to become healthy, well adjusted adults. If this is an inconvenience, then don't have kids or wait until you can take it seriously. It is not a conspiracy, it is biology and human need. If 3 is too overwhelming to give your child proper feedings then have 2. Some women cannot breastfeed for legitimate reasons, but chosing not to because you'd rather be doing something else?? Grow up.

I am a mother of four grown children, and a new grandmother of a beautiful boy. I chose to breastfeed all of my children for several reasons - it was convenient, it WAS cheaper and easier than using bottles, it did have some specific benefits, health and bonding-wise, and most importantly, it felt right for me. I listened to people who told me that bottles were easier and better; I listened to people and read articles that espoused the benefits of breast milk, and I made my own decision. I was able to bring all of my children to work with me, mostly because I strongly advocated my case and worked with progressive colleagues, and breastfed my children while working. Unfortunately, some of the heaviest critics of my doing so were other women! They found it distasteful that I would dare to nurse in public, an unfortunate side affect of what I feel is our culture's immaturity when it comes to dealing with our bodies and sex. And I took care to nurse with the baby under a blanket, nothing exposed!

As with all decisions regarding the nurturing and raising of our children, we ultimately make choices that work best for us. I recently watched my daughter and her partner discuss how soon they are going to be pumping breast milk so it can be available in a bottle for Dad to be able to feed his son. He takes his son at night to give Mom some needed sleep, changes diapers, bathes and simply loves him. He is committed to being a full-time parent, just like his partner. Perhaps we need to remember that raising a child brings individual as well as partner committments; when a woman decides to breastfeed, she is obviously taking on an individual responsibility for however long she decides, but this does not mean that a Father cannot be an active, supportive parent. It means making that choice and working together creatively to support each other.

When will we women start making the choice to recognize that each Mother takes care of their child in the way that is best for them, and give them the respect they deserve? When will we stop criticizing each other for being at-home moms, working moms, bottle or breast-feeding moms, organic or junk-food moms? When will we find the ability to take the information we read and hear from others and blend it with our own instincts and do what is best for our families, not worrying about what others think? That would truly be liberating, from the limitations we put on each other as well as the ones society tries to impose upon us.

Great story and great comments. Is it a little selfish not to breastfeed? Heck yeah, however, I am a mom and a woman and though my children will always be my biggest concern, I have to make sure I am a whole and happy person before anyone else around me can be happy. So if not breastfeeding brings a person a little more sanity, then good for them!

Thank you for the wonderful article. I appreciate the level of reality the author brings to this subject.

When my child was 4 days old she was very fussy. So I broke the "rules" and bought a pump. We discovered that what I could pump in 30 minutes she could consume in 5 minutes. It's no wonder the child was fussy. Then I had other issues with my milk output, so I started supplementing with formula on day 5. Originally it was 90% breast and 10% formula, then she grew like a weed and it became 50/50 within 6 weeks. I quit pumping completely when she was 10 weeks old because I couldn't keep up with her and the effort was not worth it.

Breast feeding must be a personal decision based on individual circumstances. As much as the lactation consultant tried to help in the hospital, she didn't come home with me and she didn't have my boobs and she didn't have a healthy child whose weight at 4 weeks was in the 90th percentile. So I did what was best for my famly and my sanity. I am thankful that my child is still a good eater, except now she eats all kinds of fruit, vegetables, cereal, and meat and only some milk.

This viewpoint is from a man's perspective, so you can take it with a grain of salt, but here goes.

When our son was born we had heard all the stories touting all the benifits of breast over bottle feeding and had of course we decided (and by we I mean we, it was a mutual decision) it was best and opted that she would breast feed exclusively for six months. Guess what? It didn't work out that way. My son had difficulty latching on because of my wife's nipples being slightly inverted. Also, when he would latch on, he would lose interest quickly because it took too much effort as compared to the bottle, which quickly became a necessity. So she pumped, and pumped. Unfortunately, her body would not produce large enough volume to satisfy the little bugger anyway, so, more and more formula became a necessary part of the diet. By the third month, the breast was not even a part of the picture. My son is now eleven. Is he in perfect health, no. Is he sickly, no. He is overweight but the his mother always has been as well, and he has asthma. He is also a good student (honor roll this semester), a budding musician and an all around great kid, courteous, thoughtful, kind and obediant (for the most part). The kind of kid most parents pray for.

So here is my opinion, This is a decision to be made by the parents, together and not something that anyone else needs to stick their nose into. I feel that the doctors should inform the parents and then let them decide, and if you don't agree with the way that someone else is feeding their child(short of neglect) then what you need to do is to shut your mouth and keep your opinions to yourself, unless you're asked. Remember, it's not your child, you've had, of will have, your own chance to screw up your own kids, let them screw up their own. And if you have never had kids, shut the hell up, you don't know squat!

MrEd

"And if you have never had kids, shut the hell up, you don't know squat!"

I will qualify this statement by saying, those in a medical field with a degree do at least have knowledge if not practical experience.

MrEd

There's an interesting subtext here: Apart from its benefits to the baby, breast-feeding has become a group marker. The in-group consists of intelligent, empathetic, truly GREAT mothers who give the teat. The out-group consists of stupid, selfish @!$%#es who don't.

Isn't it great fun to be a member of an in-group, who are so much smarter and better in every way than the wretched animals in the out-group? It pulls the moral fibers so tight you can play them like harp strings.

Yes, I'm being ironic. I need to make that clear because, in my experience, the American in-groupers are deaf to irony.

This is simply the case of a mom who decided to wean early from breastfeeding, was rejected by her fellow educated moms and decided to then look into the studies to try to prove her anti-breastfeeding position. What she found (and reports) is that the studies DO support that breastfeeding is best, although she decides to dismiss them anyways (clearly since she had made up her mind before she started).

Read the full rebuttal here:

What a terrific article, confirming everything I have believed and read since conceiving my first (of 3) child 10 years ago. He was born in the late 90's, when it was unheard of in my circle of friends and community to not breastfeed. I did not want to breastfeed, had no guilt about it, and to this day I have not second guessed my decision.

I was one of six children, born in a formula feed family. Sickness, weak immune systems and low IQ did not prevail. We were all healthy, vibrant and above average in intellegence. This led me to believe that parenting is probably even more important and influential to these qualities than breastmilk.

When I became pregnant with #2 and then #3 and faced all the stresses involved in having 3 children under age 4, I realized what the author recognized in her article as well; As the stay at home mom, I was already the primary caregiver to these children, but formula feeding them, both allowed by husband some control and power and bonding time with the infants. It also allowed us as parents to share more responsibilities and didn't tip the scale of parenting even more in my favor. I think it helped us, as parents and as a couple, "stay on the same page" in many ways.

I respect every woman's decision whether it be to bottle or breast feed.

My first child did not latch on. The lactation specialists were militant and so I kept trying even though both of my nipples were bleeding. Five days after we came home, my daughter ended up in the hospital for jaundice. She had a very high biliruben (sp) count. We went to bottles and formula. My daughter is Dyspraxic. I sometimes wonder late at night if our "best intentions" did this to her. I also wonder about the increase in the number of children with things like autism and the fanatical push to breastfeed over the past fifteen years or so. I wish that when the breastfeeding wasn't working I would have said enough, give her a bottle. I will never know if that would have made a difference. It did teach me not to listen to experts with fanatical points of view when I know in my gut something isn't right.

If you drug, if you smoke, if you drink do you women who advocate really believe breast feeding is really doing the child any good. Flipping a tit out in the mall or restaurent is really just another tool women use to draw attention to themselves. Oh, look at the good mommie11 All those studies don't prove squat it just kept some researcher in a job for a few years. If you believe all that crap you probably believe that your 401K will be replenished with all the money you most recently lost. Ha, dream on

In case you hadn't noticed, the majority of women already do NOT breast feed, note the popular sales of formula. So not sure what class audience this author is speaking to exactly. Of course it is always a personal decision (both my kids were primarily breastfed with some formula). Opposite to the author, most women are judged for breastfeeding. There has been much in the news about women who are not even allowed to breastfeed discreetly in public areas, so there is really no need to discourage women, but rather to encourage women.

I was very happy that my daughter chose to breast feed all three of her children. She was breast fed for 2 1/2 years. I had some of the same problems described in previous letters, but La Leche volunteers were helpful in techniques that helped my baby and I to figure the whole thing out and then we were sucessful.

I understand the hardship of the fathers not being able to share in the night time feedings. What my wonderful son-in-law has done is to let my daughter sleep in in the mornings, he takes care of the older two children, breakfast, baths, school. When there was only one baby, he still let her sleep in and he would take the baby and change, bathe and play with her while my daughter caught up on her sleep. Not always perfect, but it allowed the dad the bonding, one on one time and it sure has worked out for them.

Of course it is made easier by my daughter being a stay at home mom. She is a lucky one as my son makes good money. My daughter is starting night college to get a degree in nursing. She figures she will be ready to start a career at the time many of her peers will start their families.

Do what works for you and tell the busy bodies to mind their own business.

If you can, you should because it does help with bonding and it's cost free. Who wouldn't want to save a buck these days? However, nursing involves a huge investment of time for the first three months. If you cannot take time off from work or time off at work to pump, you will not be able to nurse effectively.

Everyone's circumstance is different. Some babies are allergic to their mother's milk. Some mothers cannot produce. Some cannot take sufficient time off from work or other responsibilities to devote the time. The irony is that the very women who would benefit most from the free source of nourishment for their are the least likely to have the time to provide it due to their work schedules.

We are lucky to live in a nation where the water supply is clean and safe and the formula is nourishing. This wasn't always so. Common sense is still your best guide with this and so many other decisions you'll have to make as a parent.

<!-- /* Font Definitions */ @font-face {font-family:"Cambria Math"; panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:roman; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1107304683 0 0 159 0;} @font-face {font-family:Calibri; panose-1:2 15 5 2 2 2 4 3 2 4; mso-font-charset:0; mso-generic-font-family:swiss; mso-font-pitch:variable; mso-font-signature:-1610611985 1073750139 0 0 159 0;} /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-unhide:no; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; margin-top:0in; margin-right:0in; margin-bottom:10.0pt; margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} p {mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-margin-top-alt:auto; margin-right:0in; mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto; margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";} .MsoChpDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; mso-default-props:yes; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;} .MsoPapDefault {mso-style-type:export-only; margin-bottom:10.0pt; line-height:115%;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.0in 1.0in 1.0in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} -->

Just a yuppy mother worried about what others think of her. A poster said it best...she had made up her mind about breast feeding before doing some research, she probably cherry picked information, to justify her position. She wrote this to prove to others (her playground mother friends) that it's ok not to breast feed...again, showing that she's worried about what others think of her. She should just take a stand and do what she wants. Why go out of her way to justify her personal opinion or position on breast feeding? If she's that concerned what her socio economic equals think of her, then I think it's time to get some new friends.

I don't think this is about breast feeding entirely...there are some other issues here.

We breast feed because it’s cheaper, healthier (a little bit of melamine is TOO much in formula), and we don’t give a damn what others think.

.

I find the tone of this article negative and somewhat bitter.  I certainly hope that formula-fed babies aren't doomed to a life of ill health and imbecility (sp?), since I was exclusively formula-fed.  However, breast-feeding isn't always the life sentence the author makes it out to be.  Just as I believe it's better to get vitamins and minerals from fresh fruits and vegetables than from a vitamin, I believe it's better to feed a baby breast milk rather than formula.  I would never condemn someone who feeds formula out of choice or necessity.  I didn't choose breast milk because I expected to produce Einstein.  I chose it because it seemd best, and for me was much easier.

Working and pumping, definitely your success depends on the job you have.  I used to pump in a telephone switching room to get privacy!  Thankfully with my job pumping twice a day was reasonably easy to schedule, so I was able to breast feed exclusively until the kids started solid foods.  It's not always as bad as the author makes it sound!

When are we going to learn that medical childbirth, i.e. you must labor in a hospital, for x number of hours only and dialate x cm/hr. and endure numerous "medical" interventions that actually delay the process and the drugs you are given, is itself a major obstical in nursing? These drugs may have other side effects as well, material deafness, which will be blamed on you, also "bably blues" and depressions. Many other societies handle birth and motherhood much better than we do! There are too many problems with the author's assment of medical literature to discuss on the space. Too bad her article did not get properly reviewed. How many babies that we know about DIED or were injured in China not so long ago. when the fornular was was poisoned by "straighting" the product for profit? These days many Americans usse bottled water for safety and purity, do they use it in formular? Is the drinking water safe? That same water is used in formula. How many people have any clean water to drink in the world? This is a major casue of neonatal deaths, as is the use of more water than the "formular" calls for..because it is expensive, very expensive Well?

I was a breastfed kid. I really never thought about the pros and cons until I read this article as I never had a kid of my own. My only personal experience with this was our cat Tiwas who managed to get herself pregnant before we could get her fixed (which we did after her one litter). Cats have no political views or ideas about such things as liberation and such, they just do. She had four kittens and as usual, nursed them. However I did notice that after about three weeks, she showed impatience and aitation concerning the nursing process. I believe it got tiring and annoying over time. I could tell she was under stress with having four kittens nursing round the clock. We felt the need to relieve her burden as soon as possible. We warmed some regular milk (to body temp) and put it in tiny dishes. We dabbed the kitten's nose in it to show them they had an option. In time they went for it enthusiastically. Tiwas was quite relieved to get a break. We later added chicken and turkey broth. Our "grandkittens" ended up being very healthy and energetic. My point? If a fellow mammal like a cat finds it a burden, then a human could as well. Why not be open to other options.

As a breast feeding mother who was in the Army in the 1970s, I have nothing against bottle feeding babies. My daughter-in-law bottle fed my grandson and he's just as normal and healthy as my other grandson that was breast fed by my daughter. However, I didn't have the luxury of staying at home that the author rails about as my husband and I at the time were just low paid Army privates, not upper middle class members who could afford to live comfortably with one bread winner. That aside, I breastfed my son and daughter for the pre-requisite twelve months while I worked by expressing my milk during my half hour lunch break and storing it in a small iced cooler. I'd then gobble a quick sandwich in the few minutes left or sometime during the rest of the day. Despite being one of the few women in a unit that practiced minesweeping, I didn't take too much time off to perform this function, and the men seemed to respect motherhood. And yes, I did say that I expressed my milk. Manually. Over 20 ounces at lunch time and another eight or more ounces during any time of the day that I could manage to sneak ten minutes or so. It wasn't easy. But, it also wasn't impossible. Other than this part of my diatribe, I do agree that women should not be made to feel guilty if they do not or cannot breast feed. We all love our children desperately. And really, ladies. Do a comparison here. The water supply we mix our formula in has certain amounts of arsenic and other compounds in it. But, likewise, being humans at the top of the food chain, our breast milk contains more than it's share of DDT, growth hormones and antibiotics that were fed to the livestock we eat and other environmental contaminants. Either way, and neither way, the eggheads will keep on making studies and we'll keep on loving our children each in our own individual way. Because a loved child is the healthiest child of all.

Thank you for the interesting and very funny article. I was not able to breast feed and just like many of the other moms I was committed to it because I had always heard it is the best for the baby (and mom). When it didn't work out I was so sad, angry at myself, depressed. I felt like I was not giving my daughter the best start in life that I owed her and, that I was giving up. My mom soon came to visit and together with my husband helped me see that I had a wonderful daughter and that formula is a great help. As soon as I started bottle feeding I healed (had a difficult c-section with problems), got my energy back, my daughter and I spent feeding time bonding instead of both of us crying, and I also could spend the hours I used for pumping with her. She is now almost 3, has never been sick (a couple of little colds) and she is doing great. I have promised myself that if I have any more children I will try to breast feed again but I will try not to be so hard on myself if it doesn't work. I am sad and a little bit angry to be honest at the way mothers who cannot breast feed are made to feel so I was so excited and happy to read this article and read the comments from others who went through the same ordeal as me. And honestly, when you start talking to people about this MANY of us have suffered through the same thing...